Once more into the breach...

Wow. It took like 30 tabs to get to the writing section. I forgot how to use a mouse. Trying something different. 

It's been a while. I know no one reads this - they're probably all on SubStack or something, monetizing thoughts in virtual print for whatever reason. I should do that too, but I can't be bothered to start something anymore. Life is different than it was back in the day. 

It's been a while - actually one day over ten years since my last post/article/word-vomit. Maybe I should set a timer and do this again in a decade, like some long Andy Kauffman gag. Probably not though - by then we'll be using implants to project thoughts into the ether. Well, younger people will.

So, updates. Kid two arrived a few years after the last post. Now I have same-but-different girls running my life, in small, medium, and regular sized. The medium kid is starting to wear her mom's shoes, so that's weird. She's definitely still a kid, but she's clearly in the vicinity of being a teenager, some barely pre-preteen. Kid two doesn't like math, but she's whip-smart and looking at her baby pictures makes me cry. 

Jobs went awry. Left the university to be a community college administrator. It was a terrible fit and we bailed as soon as was possible. The job, the town, it all sucked. Moved to the valley to be near family, and then the rest of her family moved there too. No future for me in Academia, so I did a stint in construction before returning to HS teaching. Weird. Math this time. Again, didn't work well - I am NOT a good teacher. Or maybe I'm only a 'good' teacher, and never going to be a great teacher. Hard to work with high schoolers when you have a hard time with your editorial language control, and 'these kids these days are just different'. I liked the good days. Hated the bad days. The bad days made it impossible. 

So now I'm at a state agency doing good work I'm good at, enjoy, and because I've been there for a few years I want to move on to the next big thing. No idea what that is, but I'm in code and data and have deep industry knowledge in an industry that doesn't have jobs in it. So it's either stay or pivot. Gonna regret whatever I choose regardless. 

Anyway. I want to write more. I want to think more. I want to make more - good, products, and money. I don't know how to do that. 15 years of higher education, and my imposter syndrome is still strong. 

Whatever happens, it'll be interesting. Or it could be. I don't know. We'll see in maybe ten years...

27 - a problem that you have had

Yesterday my office brought in lunch from PotBelly Sandwiches. I don't normally like warm/hot sandies, but they got here at 11:00 and my lunch didn't start until 12:30 so they weren't hot any more. Anyway, I had my pair of halves, a plate of salad, and got a cookie or two. I also got the chips, but didn't eat them. Frankly, I shouldn't have eaten most of it.

When I worked at B. Dalton I had 15 minute breaks, usually two of them, but only one at a time. I was bad at preparing things, so I usually popped over to the Chinese food place and got something, brought it back, wolfed it down, and went back to work. I spent most of my regular meals that way for maybe 3-4 years. Leave, order, return, eat, work. 15 minutes, all at once. Eventually, my schedule allowed for real lunch breaks or something, but by then the damage was done.

I didn't know what I was doing until I ate out with someone in some casual setting and they noticed I was done with my entire meal prior to them getting started on the main course. They had the same plate of food, but mine was empty and they had basically not started. Further, I ate so fast I outpaced my digestion and was done before I felt done. So I ate more.

Since the bookstore, I've had a problem with lots of food. I eat a lot, if it's free. Food was never scarce in my house growing up, so I can't pin it there. But my dad was a compulsive eater, an over-eater, and ultimately died due to weight-related issues. Regardless, when PotBelly showed up and I was one of the last out there to get food, AND there was a bunch of food left, all I wanted to do was eat everything and then steal/store away as much as I could without looking bad. I got a sandy, chips, and cookies for the wife, another for my dinner, and then another as well. There were more, but I needed to reign it in. I told my wife you'd think I grew up in an orphanage, always wondering if "please, sir, may I have some more"...

So that's something I'm working on. It's not a third-world problem, for sure. If there's free food, I have to struggle to let anyone else have any or to eat appropriately and not force it all in so that it doesn't go to waste (which it probably wouldn't, but we aren't talking about rationality here). I don't want to be fat, unhealthy, or any of that, but put a bunch of free food out and watch me stuff it in...

26 - what kind of person attracts you

A redhead. Although that was never a deal-breaker, it's always been pretty key. But then, I scored big there. Took a long time, but that date ended pretty well.

She has to be smart. She has to be conscientious. She has to be willing to listen to me make mistakes, rudely interrupt her, and work with me on me. Mostly, she supports me in everything I do, and I love to see her succeed at everything she does. She's talented, loving, caring, and gives unflinchingly to those about whom she cares.

I love that she's funny. I never thought that was a big deal because I've always been the funny one. But she makes me laugh, and she gets my sense of humor. She sneaks up on me and is humored by the fact that it spooks me. She surprises me. She laughs at me when it's appropriate, and with me the rest of the time. We share enough interests to be interested in each other without being over-invested in the other's hobbies. She does stuff I can't do, has talents where I lack them (some where I don't), and really does an amazing thing that I can't imagine being good at. My strengths compliment her and empower her to overcome her weaknesses (although few), and hers support mine and make me a better man.

I'll spend the rest of my life with her, and do everything I can to empower her to achieve her dreams. She'll do what she can to help me feel fulfilled, and forgive my foibles. She's my best friend, my closest buddy, my girl-blanket, and that's all I need.

25 - someone who fascinates me and why

That's easy - Vivian. She's brand new and changes every day. I can't get enough of what ever she's going to do next. One day she couldn't laugh. The next, she started. Now, she giggles herself silly during tickle-me-fall-down time. I can't get enough. It's fascinating seeing her become a people - really there's no other way to describe it. At first she was a pooping/crying/feeding/not-sleeping thing that needed constant supervision and drove me (us) crazy with our lack of sleep. Now, she sleeps mostly through most nights, and does stuff. She has interests and opinions, and while she can't actually speak, she sure is trying. Oh, and cooked carrot baby-food really is gross.

So, my 6 month old daughter fascinates me...

24 - Your favorite movie and what it's about

That's a tough prompt. My taste in film has changed so much, so frequently that I'm not sure there is an all-time favorite. I have a few that have really stuck with me...

The Dark Knight - easily the best Batman movie, superhero movie, and maybe one of the best movie-movies of all time. Chris Nolan outdid himself.

Superman Returns - this one isn't about a superhero, so much as it is about a son trying to live up to his expectations, and to fulfill the duty he sees before him at the expense of his own wishes. I think it was beautifully done (better than Man of Steel and any of the Chris Reeve movies), and while it's underrated, I love it. Plus, Kevin Spacey is great in it.

The Usual Suspects - fantastic whodunit that nails down the concept of a twist perfectly. M. Night Shyamalan could learn from this kind of film-making. Better than The 6th Sense, the twist is completely obscured due to fantastic acting and amazing writing. Plus, Kevin Spacey is great in it.

Toy Story 3 - my buddy Mike said it made him cry. I was one of those callous old holdouts that never say any of the Toy Story movies until after my daughter was born. I saw Toy Story in maybe 2014, although it could have been 2015 since I don't remember if I saw it before/after Christmas break. Anyway TS3 is brilliant. I thought 1 & 2 were great, but that was easily the best of them all. I know Pixar are geniuses at making people feel those feels, but this one was powerful. I was sad, I was happy, I was hopeful, and it was just a great film.

As my daughter gets older (yeah, I know, she's 6 months old now), I'm more drawn to films that are good examples of strong women. I want a movie to pass the Bechdel Test and the women to not be blatantly sexy or uselessly short-skirted. I want her to prefer Wonder Woman to Cat Woman, and not have body-image or self-esteem issues that all the ladies-on-display roles might cause. I want her to know she can do anything, and should strive for that. So I'm less likely to want to watch a dark, violent film (which I do enjoy) and am leery of Rom-Coms that aren't women-focused. So that's the future, probably...

23 - famous attractive people

So the prompt is to post pictures (not going to happen) of 5 guys who are famous that I find attractive. Again, this set of prompts is probably for high school girls (if that old), and I'm not prone to that kind of marketing. Still, in no particular order:

Seth MacFarlane - the Family Guy guy, who also happens to be a fantastic singer and really won me over with his Music is Better Than Words album and show. Magic stuff, great voice, great voices, funny guy. My wife says I have a man-crush on him...

Justin Hartley - the guy that played Oliver Queen on Smallville. Not sure what he's up to now, if anything, but that was a stereotypically good-looking guy.

Kai Ryssdal - the guy from Marketplace. Not sure what he looks like, but he has the best voice on radio right now. Or at least the best voice on the radio I listen to. Plus, I like listening to Marketplace.

This is harder than I thought it would be...

Uhm, a current, generic actor-type is probably a good addition since I haven't really done that yet. Wait...

Patton Oswalt - sure he looks like a hobbit (his words) but he's the most talented, funniest mainline comic working today. I will listen to any joke he tells. Plus, he's serious about his craft, did a fantastic stint on Justified, and doesn't put on airs about being more than a comic. He's admittedly unqualified to be a role model or leader or pundit or whatever. Which makes him awesome as any of those things. That guy's mind and jokes are worth it...

So the current famous actor guy that's attractive: Brad Pitt? I don't know - he seems like a throwaway choice. George Clooney? Same issue, didn't phenotype. Let's just go over to google images and...
Henry Cavill is a good choice - liked his portrayal of young Superman, but that raises the Brandon Routh question (like his Kent too, and he's Oliver Queen now...); Bradley Cooper - good in Silver Linings Playbook, probably in Sniper too (which I still haven't seen); Chris Evans - also good as a superhero.
Turns out that the search for "Most Attractive Actors" turns out thousands of people who look the same, and none of whom look like me. Phenotypically dominant, dark hair, light eyes, strong jaws. Man, I should have been born a brunette...

22 - how have you changed in the past 2 years

Let me count the ways...

I ran my first 5K, and so far I also ran my last (a few weeks later). I was a firm anti-runner for a long time. Then I realized I was fat. I'm still fat, but I went couch-to-5K in about 3 months (longer than the 10 weeks thanks to my game knee). It was awesome. Someday, I'll do it again. When there's time. (More on that, later.)

I finished school for probably the last time, but haven't finished the transition to being a full-time academic.

I had a kid. Well, my beautiful lady did, and our daughter has altered everything. So, I'd say a lot has changed. That means I've pretty much stopped leaving the house without a mission. I don't do projects, stopped writing, and don't play much any more. I sleep every chance I get, but I want to provide to the best of my ability. So that's my life.

Two years ago today I was deep in my dissertation. Now, I've been done for a year, and am deep in diapers and doing whatever it takes to elicit giggles from my baby girl. Which makes everything else worth it...